So it has been a little while since you guys last heard from me. I briefly did a few posts to celebrate pride season over on my Pride Page, but as for this blog it had been a couple of months since I uploaded any new content.
Why is that? I’ll tell you. I have been busy sorting out my life. I have done things I have put off forever. I have got back into the book and it is going beyond great. I have had a
million and one new project ideas and have slowly started dedicating time to each of them. Halloween is weeks away and, of course, I am busy getting the party prep ready and sorting out costumes. I have even been catching up with friends I haven’t seen for a while and some of them are having a tough time at the minute, so I’m being a good friend and spending time with them.
But the biggest thing I want to tell you about, and I’m most excited about, is I have been hitting then gym again. If any of you have read my previous blog post about my relationship with food, then you will know the horrible struggle I have with trying to eat healthy. I decided enough was enough and woke up one day with the mind set that I was done. I was done with bad food. I felt unhealthy, fat, and most of all it made me feel ugly.
I’m 31 and for almost 10 years I have lived on takeaway and fast food, because I despise cooking and it is convenient to eat ready made food. Health wise I know this is absolutely appalling. I suffer from IBS and have even been told by a couple of doctors I have Fibromyalgia. Some have even said I suffer from depression, which I agree with but I have never wanted to go on medication for it. I have watched family members suffer with depression who were on medication, and being an observer, I don’t think it looks like it did them any good. I may be totally wrong, but it has always put me off.
Anyway, my point is having IBS or/and Fibromyalgia means I really should watch what I’m eating as some food can be triggers which bring on aches and pains. I mention the depression because food is my coping mechanism and gives me a high to make me feel better. However, it is only a temporary fix and I actually feel worse after eating it. I cover this subject more in my previous blog post.
For me, breaking away from this bad food pattern I’d become stuck in was a huge task. I guess it is the same for anybody trying to give up drinking, smoking, or any other drug. Day one was tough, day two was tougher, but after a few days it became easier and now I am not tempted by bad food at all. The real test which shows how well I’m doing is that I have a bar of chocolate at home. Usually it would’ve been gone in minutes. I haven’t been tempted once. It’s just sat there, gathering dust for almost a month now.
I cannot stress enough how much of a challenge this was for me to break the bad food habit. Especially when I feel a low mood coming on, which could potentially turn into an evening of hating myself, the world and feeling like I am in the deepest darkest hole ever. Luckily this has only happened twice in the last month, and I have managed to control myself better and not rely on food. My poor boyfriend though. Don’t know how he puts up with me!
I have been back to the gym too, but the majority of the work when losing weight is diet. I could live in the gym, but if I kept eating the way I was I wouldn’t achieve anything. I would just be wasting my time. I have got myself a new personal trainer and he is beyond amazing. Organised, motivational, always happy, he’s there anytime I need to ask him a question and he works me hard in the gym. I could not have asked for a better PT. If you’re in or close to Northampton and are looking for a PT, I cannot recommend him enough, seriously. You can contact him by clicking here.
Today I am proud to say I am 1lb away from losing a stone, and it has only taken me three weeks. I would be lying if I said it was easy. The gym stuff is easy because I just do as I’m told. It’s the diet that is the hard part and it is all on me. Nobody is there to take a donut out of my hand or stop me ordering a takeaway. It is my dedication to improving myself that has got me through it. Seeing the number on the scales go down is so satisfying because I know that what I’m doing is working. I still have a long way to go to achieve my goal, but I am three weeks closer to it than I would’ve been if I hadn’t put the work in.
Some people who know me always tell me that I’m not that big and they don’t see why I want to lose weight. However, I have photos of myself that I hate and haven’t shared on Facebook etc. because I am so embarrassed about how big I look. I am saving these pictures to share with you all when I have got to a place when I am happy with how I look so you can see the difference. I am happy I have these photos because I would hate to be putting myself through all this hard work, only for people to not really notice the difference when I have changed. I want to be able to show people the difference so they can see how much I have worked my ass off to get from where I was to where I am.